REMEMBERING BARBARA TODAY on what would have been her 71st birthday.
My dear wife was 66 when breast cancer took her life five years ago this spring, right here on Center Island. This was where she wished to be, not in a hospital or hospice. It was difficult, but daughter Lillian and I made it work for her, along with help from a handful of extraordinarily kind island neighbors and a final visit by three loving sisters.
Five years seems a tough milestone for me. My friend seemingly forever, my wife of 41 years, Barbara was the love of my life. But I still feel her presence every day: her lovely smile, her quick wit, her boundless love. She taps my shoulder as I’m fixing dinner and cautions me not to burn my chop. I light a candle for her every night and bid her good night as I blow it out and head for bed. My greatest blessing: I have the joy of seeing her in Lillian, who is one of the kindest and cleverest humans I know, and the best gift Barbara gave the world.
Lillian, her partner Lux, and I got together in Olympia over the weekend with our friends Daniel and Jean Farber to plan for our upcoming canal-boat voyage on France’s Lot River, a celebration of my 70th birthday. We took the opportunity on Saturday to share a birthday cake with candles and sing an early “Happy Birthday” to Barbara. It was sweet.
I started this day by writing a birthday email to Barbara’s seven siblings, all of whom are still around, spread between Puget Sound and Australia. I took a long walk around my island in the February sunshine. I took Galley Cat for a stroll to the end of our road and fed her more cat treats than was probably healthy. I ate lunch in my writing hut, and I wrote this post. A quiet and contemplative day on my rock.
Happy birthday, dear heart. Miss you.
Cantwell's Reef 
Five years! And her presence in our lives is still so visceral.
I miss her too, and will light a candle in her memory tonight.
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Thank you, my friend.
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So sweet: Tears and joy. Lovely tribute.
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she is really missed!
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After wiping a tear from my eye, I am deeply touched by your thoughts. Barbara was indeed an amazing lady and a wonderful friend. Both you and Barbara saw me through some hard times and for that I will always be grateful. It’s incredible that it’s been five years already, isn’t it? I am just a little bit jealous that you’ll be going on a canal trip down the rivers of France. The French have a phrase for how are you doing, sir and it is Ca Va. In this crazy mixed up world it’s nice for us to take a step back and embrace the friendships and the love that we have for everyone. Be well, my friend and know that Barbara will always be missed by me as well.
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Appreciate you, dear friend.
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Boy, did that ever tug at the heart strings. Your family shares a rich emotional life – admirable.
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